


Blue Like You

by PhenomenalWoman



Series: The Little Jedi [5]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Brotherly Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Ilum (Star Wars), Lightsabers, mention of past slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:16:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25479793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalWoman/pseuds/PhenomenalWoman
Summary: AKA how Anakin finds out the hard way that getting his own kyber crystal is not as easy as it sounds.~Obi-Wan crosses his arms across his chest, “How does it feel?” He nods to the lightsaber dangling in Anakin’s grasp, “Is it… speaking to you?”Speaking to him?Anakin looks down at the saber again. The lightsaber’s stubborn silence is only amplified by the emptiness of the training room. It doesn’t belong in Anakin’s hands and they both know it.“I dunno,” Anakin shrugs again, “What’s it supposed to feel like?”Obi-Wan’s frown deepens, and he doesn’t speak for a minute before finally deciding on his words, “You’ll just know when it’s right.”“Oh.” Anakin purses his lips before holding the lightsaber out to Obi-Wan, “It’s not right,” He says simply.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Anakin Skywalker, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & CT-7567 | Rex
Series: The Little Jedi [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748707
Comments: 36
Kudos: 882





	Blue Like You

Something is wrong with Anakin. 

Obi-Wan didn’t say anything about it, but Anakin knows him by now. He knows that when he brings his hand up to stroke his beard and he scrunches his eyebrows together it means Obi-Wan has been stumped by something. 

It’s most recent occurrence came right after Obi-Wan carefully placed a lightsaber in Anakin’s hand. 

He stares expectantly at the little boy, as if he’s waiting for some grand lightshow or for Anakin to suddenly grow big again. 

But all Anakin does is shrug and inspect the lightsaber that is supposedly his. It doesn’t feel like his. 

“Is something wrong, Obi-Wan?” Anakin lets his hand drop to his side, lightsaber forgotten in the face of Obi-Wan’s puzzled gaze. 

Obi-Wan crosses his arms across his chest, “How does it feel?” He nods to the lightsaber dangling in Anakin’s grasp, “Is it… speaking to you?” 

Speaking to him? 

Anakin looks down at the saber again. The lightsaber’s stubborn silence is only amplified by the emptiness of the training room. It doesn’t belong in Anakin’s hands and they both know it.

“I dunno,” Anakin shrugs again, “What’s it supposed to feel like?”

Obi-Wan’s frown deepens, and he doesn’t speak for a minute before finally deciding on his words, “You’ll just know when it’s right.” 

“Oh.” Anakin purses his lips before holding the lightsaber out to Obi-Wan, “It’s not right,” He says simply. 

Obi-Wan stares blankly at the outstretched hilt and Anakin shakes it once, twice, three times before he finally lurches into action.

“Are…” Obi-Wan wraps numb fingers around the saber’s hilt, “Are you sure?” 

Why would it not feel right? He was still _Anakin_ , and Anakin was barely older than the boy in front of him when he constructed his first lightsaber. 

Anakin rocks on his feet, “Uh-huh. You said I’d know when it’s right, but that isn’t right,” He keeps his gaze carefully away from Obi-Wan’s, “It just doesn’t feel like mine.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t know what to say to that. How could it _not_ feel right? 

On second thought, a multitude of things have changed since Anakin has been deaged. His once strong bond with Palpatine has effectively been demolished in a single day and he’s much better at not falling headfirst into his anger. 

“Is that wrong?” Anakin’s voice is barely a whisper. 

“No, Ani,” Obi-Wan is quick to assure him, dropping a hand to ruffle his hair, “It’s not wrong, just unusual, but don’t worry. We’ll get this sorted out,” 

Anakin bats at the hand messing up his hair and tries to strangle down a smile, “Does that mean I get to make a new one?” His eyes light up at the idea of making a lightsaber for himself that will actually feel like his.

Obi-Wan makes a show of considering his idea, mentally grinning at the ensuing whines, “Oh, I’m sure we can arrange that,” He finally concedes, and outwardly grins as Anakin cheers. 

“Do you think I can get two lightsabers like Ahsoka?” 

Obi-Wan can practically _feel_ another gray hair coming in, and he decides that he’ll name it Anakin Junior. 

~

It doesn’t take much to convince the Council to let him take Anakin to Ilum to find a new kyber crystal; for all the Council’s faults, they know the importance of a kyber crystal that calls to a Jedi. 

It's more a matter of convincing Anakin.

“What do you mean you can’t go in the cave with me?” Anakin frowns up at him, hands clenched at his sides. 

The first time Obi-Wan had taken Anakin to Ilum, the boy couldn’t _wait_ to be free of Obi-Wan, desperate to prove himself to his Master. This is new territory for Obi-Wan. 

He ignores the voice in his head that whispers _attachment_.

“It isn’t my journey to take, Anakin,” Obi-Wan answers truthfully. Honesty has become a very vital part of their relationship, and Obi-Wan can’t help but kick himself when he thinks of the first time around with Anakin, and how each of them had become complacent in keeping secrets from the other. “A Jedi doesn’t pick their kyber crystal, the kyber crystal picks them. You need to be chosen, Anakin,” 

Anakin’s frown morphs into something akin to fearful. His head drops, hiding his face with the bangs Obi-Wan has _yet_ to get cut. 

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan prompts gently, “What are you thinking about?” 

“What if I don’t?” Anakin whispers without lifting his gaze. From beneath his hair, Obi-Wan can see his cheeks flushing. 

Obi-Wan tugs lightly at the too-long hair, “Don’t go? Well, not to underestimate your hiding capabilities, but I’m fairly confident I can persuade you to go,” He thumbs a stray tear that slips down Anakin’s cheek. 

The fond exasperation that’s been lodged in Obi-Wan’s chest gives way for genuine worry. Crying, while somewhat common for Anakin, over something as small as a little separation from Obi-Wan is unlikely. 

“What if I don’t get chosen?” 

_Oh._

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan crouches down, shifting his hand from Anakin’s hair to his shoulder, “You will, I promise you that,” He squeezes his shoulder gently, “Is that what you’re so worried about?”

The boy flushes even further, “It’s stupid, I know,” he bemoans, and drops his head into Obi-Wan’s chest. “But I’m not _normal!_ This is my second time being nine, and if I’m still _me_ then why doesn’t the crystal that chose _me_ work?” 

“You are Anakin Skywalker,” Obi-Wan begins, wrapping a solid arm around his shoulders, “and you will be the greatest Jedi we have ever trained,” he presses a single finger to the center of Anakin’s forehead, tilting his head backwards at a purposely awkward angle so they can meet eyes, “Those crystals would be fools to not chose you,” 

Anakin whines and hides his face back in Obi-Wan’s chest, “You _have_ to say that, Obi-Wan, you’re my brother,” 

  
  


_Brothers._

No matter how many times Obi-Wan hears him say it, it still brings a smile to his face. It isn’t _attachment_ that makes his throat feel tight, no it’s some other feeling that will go unnamed if Obi-Wan has any say in it.

“I don’t _have_ to say anything, Anakin,” Obi-Wan reminds him, “and if I didn’t truly believe it, then I wouldn’t say it.” 

Anakin doesn’t have anything to say to that, he only burrows his face deeper into Obi-Wan’s chest.

~

The fifth and final day in hyperspace is a quiet one. Usually when they go, and they go a _lot_ thanks to Anakin’s habit of losing his lightsaber, Anakin is a ball of impatience and embarrassment. This time, Anakin is asleep on Cody’s lap with his feet resting against Rex’s thigh. 

It’s not allowed, technically, for clones to come with Jedi to Ilum but it's also not _not_ allowed, a fact that Obi-Wan happily informed the Council when they attempted to stop them.

_Besides,_ a dark part of Obi-Wan whispers in his mind, _Anakin will need them._

Anakin’s first time ever going to Ilum (the _first_ Anakin’s first time) had been, in short, a disaster. Instead of shell shocked, like most padawans were coming out of the cave, Anakin was just angry. Angry at Obi-Wan for what he saw in the cave and angry at the Council for the same reason. Angry at _himself_ for believing it. 

What will his little brother see this time?

If Obi-Wan could go in that cave with Anakin he would, but it is a time honored tradition for initiates (and a certain Knight that will remain unnamed) to face their fears and find their own kyber crystals. That doesn’t stop Obi-Wan’s heart from clenching at the memory of Anakin’s face the first time he walked out of the cave. Doesn’t stop Obi-Wan heart from seizing violently at the thought that Anakin would react the same this time. 

Obi-Wan is just going through the motions. He announces when they drop out of hyperspace. He mechanically informs Cody that he should wake Anakin up, and even though his commander sends him a critical look, he stays blissfully silent. He lands the ship with numb hands and pulls out the thick jackets that they’ll all need to wear to face the Ilum snow. 

“Hey, Obi-Wan,” Anakin whispers as Obi-Wan zips up the boy’s jacket. 

Anakin can zip his own jacket, and the two of them both know that, but after Anakin woke up, he stared at Obi-Wan with eyes too old for his face and quietly asked him for help. 

Obi-Wan had agreed without a second thought. 

“Yes, Anakin?” Obi-Wan whispers back as he zips the jacket up the highest it can go. He smoothes the jacket more than needed just to keep his hands busy. 

Anakin’s little hands cover his own and Obi-Wan slowly drags his gaze up, “You don’t have to be worried about me. I won’t be afraid, I promise,”

Obi-Wan sighs and drops his head. His eyes flutter shut and he nods once, “I know, Ani,” he says and tugs the jacket straight once more, “But it’s my job to worry about you,” 

He’s _not_ attached. Just worried. 

“I know, Obi,” Anakin parrots, “But I’ll be back in a second and then you can help me make the hilt!” 

The overwhelming fondness that rises and threatens to spill out of his mouth prevents Obi-Wan from responding. While he collects himself he pulls the collar up and over Anakin’s chin and mouth and straightens himself up. “I look forward to it, Anakin.” 

~

The cave is a lot colder than it looks, which is impressive to Anakin because it looks like the coldest thing he’s ever seen. 

Anakin fears the glowrod Obi-Wan pressed into his hands before he was sent into the cave might be stuck to him forever. They’ll have to cut his hand off and give him a mechanical one so he can actually use his lightsaber. 

He’s surrounded by countless sparking and silent crystals, none of them with any discernible color. Did they get their color once the hilt was made? Anakin shrugs and continues to follow no particular trail.

It doesn’t matter much to him anyways. His lightsaber will be blue, just like Obi-Wan’s. 

“Anakin.”

Anakin whirls around and his face nearly splits with the force of his smile, “Obi-Wan! What are you doing here? I thought you said-”

“I’ve changed my mind, Anakin,” Obi-Wan cuts him off, looking down at him with no small amount of disdain. 

“You’ve… changed your mind?” Anakin slowly lowers the glowrod stuck to his hand. The only thing Obi-Wan had told Anakin was that he couldn’t come along inside the cave, but if that was what Obi-Wan changed his mind on, then why is he so mad?

Obi-Wan nods impatiently. His face is colder than the cave when he speaks, “Yes, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to do this anymore.” The tapping of his foot bounces off the crystal lined walls and reverberates in Anakin’s ears. 

The numbness that started in his fingers spreads up Anakin’s arms and grips his heart, “You don’t want to be on Ilum anymore?” The guess is half-hearted at best. Just a ploy to buy more time before Obi-Wan says what Anakin knows he’s really thinking. 

Obi-Wan scoffs and mutters something that Anakin only catches half of, but the barely heard words are still knives to his chest. “No, Anakin,” He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, “I don’t want to be with _you_ anymore,” 

_“W-What?”_

Anakin didn’t know it was possible but Obi-Wan’s face gets even _colder._ He raises a single eyebrow and the fond huffing laugh that Obi-Wan usually does when he finds something Anakin does funny is replaced by a sharp bark of disbelief. 

“Did you really think I wouldn’t get tired of you, Anakin?” Every word is another lash to Anakin’s already bleeding heart, “Did you think we could actually be _brothers?_ Take on the galaxy together?” His hand reaches out, as if to thump Anakin across the back of the head. 

Anakin clenches his eyes shut and braces for impact, but he feels nothing. Obi-Wan probably didn’t even want to _touch_ him, he reasons as he cracks an eye back open. 

Obi-Wan stands in front of him still, eyes blazing like the suns of Tatooine. “Besides,” He continues, as if he isn’t _crushing Anakin’s world_ , “Third time’s the charm, isn’t it?” His wicked grin is unsettling on his usually peaceful face. 

“What- what do you mean?” Anakin's voice is almost swallowed up by the screaming in his head, and his eyesight is blurry from the tears that are freezing as soon as they escape his eyes. 

From behind Obi-Wan steps out… _Anakin._

A mirror image of himself leans comfortably against Obi-Wan’s side, and Obi-Wan looks down at him with absolutely no trace of the malice he looked at Anakin with. He looks down at the _new_ Anakin with soft eyes and a softer smile.

_Did he ever look at me like that?_ The unwanted thought pushes to the front of Anakin’s mind, _Like we were actually brothers?_

“Please, Anakin,” Obi-Wan tuts, like he’s disappointed Anakin didn’t see this coming, “Be realistic. You’ve always been replaceable,” The twisted smile was back on his face, “And you’ll never be anything more than the little slave boy from Tatooine.” 

His knees suddenly aren’t up to the task of supporting him, and Anakin collapses onto the unforgiving floor. The once silent crystals are now _screaming_ in his ears. They’ve all found him unworthy too. 

He presses the palms of his hands into his eyes, to stop the tears, to stop the screaming, to just _stop._

The first sob to escape his lips is like the opening of a floodgate. The sobs and wails tear from his throat.

_“I’m sorry!”_ Anakin cries, gloved hands now tearing at his hair, “ _I’m sorry, I’ll be better!”_ His chest heaves with the force of his sobs, and he imagines Obi-Wan is laughing at how pathetic he is. 

“It’s too late, Anakin,” Obi-Wan’s voice is soft again, words belying the tone, “I’ve moved on. You need to understand that you will never be a Jedi and you will always be nothing more than a _slave.”_

Anakin covers his ears. If he doesn’t hear what Obi-Wan is saying then it won’t be true. But when Obi-Wan speaks next, he can still hear it clear as day.

“Do you understand?” 

And Anakin _does._ He does understand. Someone as important as Obi-Wan, a Jedi _Master_ , will never have time for someone like Anakin. He needs someone better, and Anakin just _isn’t._

_“Yes.”_ Anakin whispers finally, “I understand.” 

He gets no response, and when Anakin finally looks up Obi-Wan and the other Anakin have vanished. The crystals are silent again for the most part, and even the ground where the two of them had stood is undisturbed, as if they were never really there.

Anakin stumbles to his feet and snatches the glowrod that he had dropped in his anguish with shaky fingers. 

The white noise in his head slowly gives way to a song. A song with no distinguishable words or melody, but a song nonetheless, and Anakin follows it to a glowing chunk of rock protruding from the cave walls. 

He snaps the chunk off the wall and splits it open with three clinical strikes of the glowrod. 

The two blue crystals in the palm of his hand don’t feel like the victory he thought they would.

~

“He’s taking too long. He’s taking too long, I should go in and find him,” Obi-Wan nods decisively, eyes trained on the mouth of the cave. 

Cody sighs from behind him and relinquishes another handful of credits to Rex, “No, General,” He reminds him, “ _An’ika_ has to do this on his own,” 

“I should’ve given him another jacket,” Obi-Wan strokes his ice frosted beard, “He’s from a desert planet, he must be cold,” 

“He’ll be fine, Sir,” Rex chimes in as if he too hasn’t been watching the mouth of the cave like a hawk. 

Obi-Wan turns to pace again, boots fighting through the thick snow that have already covered his last tread marks, “Maybe he’s fallen, or lost his light, or-”

“There!” The tension in Rex’s frame finally dissipates when he spots the boy stumbling out of the cave. 

Even Cody feels the tight knot of tension unravel as he watches the boy struggle through the snow. 

When he’s finally an acceptable distance away, Obi-Wan lurches forward and takes Anakin by the hand not holding his crystal in a deathgrip. Anakin practically melts into his side, burying his face into Obi-Wan’s coat as he allows himself to be led back to the spaceship. 

It takes longer than it should have for Obi-Wan to realize something was wrong. It’s only after he’s stripped himself of his excess coats and gloves that he realizes Anakin hasn’t said a word. He hasn’t said a word and is just staring up at Obi-Wan with a carefully guarded gaze. 

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan steps closer and feels his stomach plummet as Anakin flinches back. “Anakin, what’s wrong?” 

The boy shakes his head and the movement sends water droplets flying, “Nothing, I just-” Anakin cuts himself off and finally looks down at his clenched hands.

He slowly uncurls his fingers, and Obi-Wan sees how his hand shakes, to reveal two unassuming blue crystals.

“Here,” Anakin whispers and offers them up to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan frowns and slowly crouches in front of him. He takes Anakin’s hand and curls the fingers back around the crystals (he’d deal with the fact that there were _two_ another time) and pushes the hand back to Anakin’s chest, “They’re blue,” He comments, “Just like you said they’d be.” 

A stuttering breath escapes Anakin and his eyes flutter shut. He cradles the crystals to his chest like they’d leave him if he did. “You didn't…” He clears his throat, “You didn’t follow me into the cave did you?” Anakin’s eyes dart around the ship like he’s looking for someone. 

“No, Anakin, I stayed right outside with Rex and Cody,” Up close and away from the paleness of Ilum, Obi-Wan can see tear tracks and the red rims of Anakin’s eyes. “Although it was very difficult to stop myself from following after you,” 

“It was?” Anakin asks as though that’s _surprising._ As though Obi-Wan wouldn’t move planets and _galaxies_ if it would make Anakin happy.

“Yes, Anakin,” He feels his gaze soften, feels a smile that’s reserved only for Anakin creeping onto his face, “Extremely.” 

Anakin exhales again and they fall into a comfortable silence, with Anakin leaning into Obi-Wan until a shiver wracks the boy’s body. 

“Oh!” Obi-Wan’s hands fly to his jacket zipper, “Why don’t we get you into something warmer, hm?” 

“Okay.” Anakin nods once but is perfectly unhelpful while Obi-Wan attempts to get his arms out of the jacket. Instead, he pitches forward and buries his face into Obi-Wan’s chest, content to glue himself to his side. 

Obi-Wan finds Anakin’s silence much more unsettling than he did his anger.

~

Obi-Wan has caught Anakin peeking behind him three times since they’ve left Ilum. They still haven’t addressed what Anakin saw in the cave or the two crystals that Anakin has yet to let go of.

It’s also important to note that Anakin has said the phrase “third time’s the charm” no less than five times, each one paired with a meaningful stare aimed at Obi-Wan.

And each time Obi-Wan frowns and asks, “What did you see in the cave, Anakin?”

And each time Anakin will shake his head and try his best to be absorbed into Obi-Wan’s side and say, “Not yet.” 

So Obi-Wan is content to bide his time and curl around the still shaking boy while Rex and Cody pilot them home. For now.

It isn’t until they return to the Jedi Temple, and Anakin has hugged both Rex and Cody tighter than he usually does, that he finally speaks to Obi-Wan. 

“Hey, Obi?” Anakin whispers into the dark of the rooms. 

Anakin, upon entering their room, requested for the heat to be turned up. His shivering has long since ceased, but his hands still rub up and down his arms to generate heat. 

“Yes, Anakin?” 

“I saw you in the cave.” 

Obi-Wan blinks twice and is grateful for how the dark hides the way his mouth flounders for words. 

“You… you told me that you changed your mind,” Anakin continues through Obi-Wan’s silence, “and you didn’t want to be around me anymore because... “ He clenches his hands tighter in Obi-Wan’s sleep shirt, “Because I would never be anything more than a slave. And-and you found another me that you liked better.” 

_“Anakin,”_ Obi-Wan shifts onto his side and pulls the boy tight to his chest, “You have to know I would never-” 

“I know,” Anakin cuts him off, and his voice is slightly muffled with how his face is pressed into Obi-Wan’s chest, “But it just felt so _real,_ and I thought you were gonna leave me on that ice planet,”

Just the thought of leaving Anakin there makes Obi-Wan’s chest _ache._ He would rather eat his own lightsaber than even _think_ about leaving without Anakin. 

“Well, I won’t be going anywhere if you aren’t by my side,” He promises, and he knows he shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t help foster this unhealthy level of attachment and yet the Force seems to _sing_ with the rightness of it all. And Obi-Wan is nothing if not a servant to the Force, right? 

They two remain silent until Obi-Wan has almost drifted off to sleep. 

“Hey, Obi?” Anakin whispers, but his voice is heavy with sleep.

Obi-Wan hums in confirmation, but it’s more for show than anything. If Anakin doesn’t speak quickly, he may fall asleep.

“Since I got two crystals in the cave, does that mean I can make a lightsaber like Maul?” 

And just like that, Obi-Wan Kenobi has never been more awake. 

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own! Comments are much appreciated. Thank you all for reading, love you guys :) <3


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